|
|
Thursday, October 5th, 2006
| |
9:37 pm - Oh Me
|
|
I'm so happy that my aunt finally took her baby girl and left her lying, cheating, abusive, and worthless bastard boyfriend. . . Jimmy. And as happy as I am for her I can't help but feel angst about my own pathetic and practicaly nonexistant love life. I'm feeling so much angst about everything that's going on in my life it's a wonder my head doesn't explode. I won't go into it cause I just don't feel like it right now. If I do I'll start screaming my head will be spining, and then I'll cry blue tears with my newly made greenish brown head. So, I'll save the all the gorish details for later luv.
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Monday, September 25th, 2006
| |
10:17 pm - SOOOO LONG!
|
OMG! Sorry all. I know it's been a good minute since I wrote in my journal. But I promise from now on it's regular entries by the days. ANYWAY! Seeing as how it's been about a month since my last entry & I have a semi-drama filled life. . . I have a lot to type about. So to save time and energy I'll just get on with it. My mom has swelling in her brain and the doctors don't know what's causing it. She's also experiencing migraines, forgetfulness, and depression. My Grandmother's (mom's side) dealing with high blood pressure, strokes, and extreme weight loss(seriously guys she makes nicole richie look big). I am in the middle of an identity crisis that I feel like I'm dealing with all by myself. I don't know where I'm going as far as my education goes because I recently got a letter in the mail explaining when I was expected to pay back my most current student loan and it scared me. . . $435/year starting in the year 2009 for like ten years, six months after I graduate from college. I just remember sitting there thinking that this was just payment based on one loan; they haven't even factored in my freshmen year loan and the next possible two loans I'll have to take out before I graduate. My worst fear is to look around ten years from now doing community theater, living with my mom, and never having accomplished any of the goals I set for myself. And the more I thought about it, having to pay back $80,000 worth the loans might just be a cause for that. So I was thinking about finishing school in London but I'm not sure. I know what I want in my life, I know what I need, I just haven't figured out how to get it without it costing me an arm, a leg and every major organ in my body. And all these family issues are stressin' me out. My hair is fallin' out, I'm havin' a few migraines of my own, and I recently gave my mother $2,000 to get her electricity turned back on. The gas has already been cut off for over a year now and I couldn't let my mom continue sleeping in her car in the driveway because my grandmother (who lives next door to us) is losing it and threw her out of her house. Oh, & BTW I think I may be a lesbian/bisexual but considering everything else that's going on in my life I think I'll save that explanation for next time. Believe it or not this isn't all of my family and personal problems but since my arms hurt from typing so much this will just have to be it. I luv ya'll and your comments (wink* wink* hint hint)CUL:-)
current mood:  hurt and upset
current music: Immature, I consider them old school.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, August 7th, 2006
| |
3:38 am - whatever
|
So, I've been @ my dad's house for a week and doing the whole family bonding thing; that has been long overdue. It's good being here; there's less pressure on me back to be someone I'm not, no misunderstood assumptions about who I am, and why I am the way that I am. However, I am kinda yearning for school to start; this is the first time I have ever yearned for anything having to do with school, but I guess since now that I am actually doing something that's geared towards the future that I want for MYSELF and no one else it was bond to happen:-) I'm a Musical Theater major @ Columbia College Chicago so even though I do work it's work such as singing scales, memorizing monologues, and practice dance choreography. So, needless to say I miss it alot. I talked 2 my mom today; she apologized for overreacting and said I could come home but I decided to stay with my dad and bond. YAY! I love you guys! *wipes tear from eye and sighs(AAAHHH)* In spite of the make up session between me & my mom over the phone I have yet to get my money from her and school starts in a few weeks, both parents are broke, I need things for my dorm, and I would like to have some form of financial independence and stability in my life if that's no too much to ask:-/ I still love both parents very much I just wish they were more . . . I dunno . . . just something more. Peace 2 all:-)
current mood:  calm
current music: Christmas music (Charlie Brown) fav. cartoon BTW)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
| |
10:36 pm - My Life
|
Let me start off by saying that @ 20yrs. old I am probably one of the most innocent, spoiled, and naive women out there. I lived at home with my mother (just me & her) for the better part of 10yrs. We had a very complicated & gilded relationship for all those who truly paid attention but for everyone else (95% of the time) we were what every mother daughter relationship should be. We were close, understanding of each other, told each other everything, to them we were the equivalence of the real life & black version of the Gilmore Girls (for all of those who don't know the Gilmore Girls ya betta ask somebody!) However, that may be true on some cases my mother & I hardly ever had the perfect relationship that most thought we did. It was a relationship filled to the brim with my unexpressed and bottled up anger and resentment, her over the top outbursts and use of violence (even @ 20yrs. old), and most importantly mistrust, loss of respect, un-understood pain, and broken promises (on both parts). Our relationship hit the braking point July 31 (Mon.) & ended with me telling her that she was stealing from me and her telling me to pack up all of my shit and be out her house by the time she got home from work @ 6:30PM. Later that morning I apologized and said I was sorry but she didn't forgive me, I still had to move out of her house, and she has yet to give me back the money I need in order to get prepared for school. Now I live with my father and so far so good. It has just recently hit me just how naive I am of the real world and what goes on in it so I have decided as an adult trying to get a new leash on life that even if my mother does invite me home I won't go. I'm not her child or anyone else's child and we ALL including myself need to wake up and realize this. So I am curntly trying to pry my mother's current death grip off of my life and get her to understand me and . . . well that's it just trying to get her to understand me and if in the process if she would give me back my money (with her "I make $30,000+ per year" ass) that would be awesome seeing as how I'm a college student, it's rightfully mine, & I need it a heck of alot more than she does.
*That's it my very 1st LiveJournal entry LOL (lots of love):-* SMOOCHES ALL AROUND & 4 EVERYONE!!!!*
current mood:  awake
current music: All things Sixpence None the Richer
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
crazystar662's journal